Wilderness seasons

Hi besties 🤍 we’re back and happy to not be sick anymore. We missed you so much and are excited to talk about wilderness season. We just wanted to sit down and be honest about a season that is more common than we think and also what we are both currently going through. We hope to bring encouragement as Jesus went through the same thing and felt what we feel everyday. We aren’t perfect but we are doing our best to show up. That’s all that Jesus requires of us! We love you and hope you find joy in this episode. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey Besties! Hi Besties. How y'all doing? A little bit. It feels like it's been a little bit, but we're only gonna skip a week, or we only skipped a week, right?

SPEAKER_01 0:10

Yeah. It's only been a week.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Yeah. Give me a life update, Tatiana.

SPEAKER_01 0:16

I lost my voice last weekend because I was really sick. Basically, what Jasmine had. I know I did not sound basically what Jasmine had during Easter weekend, like before that.

SPEAKER_00 0:30

That's what I had. It's crazy because when I got sick, I was sick for like three weeks, no joke. And then she got sick for a couple days. And I was like, man, you got better so much quickly. Did that make that so much, so much quicker, anyways. Um, and then she got sick, and then my brother got sick, and she's still sick, and I feel better. I'm still a little stuffy, but not like it was just like a couple days that I was sick. Um, I'm going one week two. Yeah. So what the heck? But, anyways, that's our life update. We've been slowing down a lot, um, because we've just been sick and we've been going through it, y'all. So today's podcast will be fun.

SPEAKER_01 1:17

Yeah, spiritually and physically we're going through it. So, which is what we're gonna talk about today. Yeah, what are we gonna talk about? The wilderness season. Because that's what we're going through right now.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:27

Well, that's what we believe we're going through right now.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

So I definitely believe it. Oh, maybe this is a wilderness season for me. I would think it, but I'm like, no, I don't think so. But then, like, as time went on, I'm like, wait, this is a wilderness season. Yeah, what does a wilderness season mean to you? Like, what do you what do you think a wilderness season is?

SPEAKER_01 1:54

Like exactly what it sounds like dry and just snow, almost like no hope, but it's all for God's glory. So it's it's hard, but I think it just teaches you to rely more on him. And it's just you and him. Yeah. So it that hence the teaching you to rely on just him and nothing else.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

So it'd be tough though, guys. Like wilderness, that's exactly what I think it is, too. Like, it's just like I picture myself like in a desert, and it's just like a little tumbleweed, it's just like going by and it's like just lonely. Yeah. Um, so it's definitely been a hectic season, but I have faith and hope that we are going to be in a better season here soon. So hopefully, yeah, pretty soon. Yeah. So um, we wanted to like literally just begin by talking about how Jesus was when in the uh wilderness. So, did you want me to read it? Yeah, go for it. So it was Matthew 4, 1 to 11. Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, If you are the son of God, tell these stones to become bread. Jesus answered, It is written, Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God. Then the devil uh took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. If you are the son of God, he said, throw yourself down, for it is written. He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against the stone. Jesus answered him, It is also written, do not put the Lord your God to the test. Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all of the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. All this I will give you, he said, if you will bow down and worship me. Jesus said to him, Away from me, Satan, for it is written, Worship the Lord your God and serve him only. Then the devil left him and angels came and attended him.

SPEAKER_01 4:23

So even our Savior had to go through that season.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

Yeah, like a season of just like wilderness and like being tempted and and attacked like by the enemy, you know. Um and my notes here just put like obviously like how um Satan attacked identity first, and then like Jesus always responded with scripture, you know?

SPEAKER_02 4:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:46

So I love that.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

Um Go ahead. I was just gonna say a note I have here is that the enemy knows scripture and how to use it to his advantage.

SPEAKER_00 4:57

Oh yeah, like definitely. So um, I just wanted to read that because I feel like it's kind of like a reminder. Like, we're Jesus knows if you're going through like a wilderness season, like he knows how that feels, you know what I mean, because he's gone through that. And um he came down right in human form and and understood how he understands how we currently feel. Um, and I just thought that was like important to kind of highlight is like wilderness season can like discourage you, and I feel like what I've learned in this season of being what I'm determining is like wilderness season for me, is um just like all of the the attacks the enemy has, like, not just like I I would say more like mentally for me, um, where I'm like just becoming very like doubtful, like my faith has just been so weak, where it's just like so hard, and guys, like this is us being vulnerable because um I like talking about it because I feel like sometimes like you don't know who is also going through that. Like as a Christian, like we always say this the walk is not easy, um, and right now, like we are going through it, like so yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

Um I think that's it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:28

Wait with a question or no, just do you want to add anything else to that?

SPEAKER_01 6:31

Oh no, sorry, Mike.

SPEAKER_00 6:35

No, but um, okay, yeah. So you wanna ask the first question?

SPEAKER_01 6:41

Yeah. Um, what makes you feel like you are in a wilderness season? For me, um, even the past couple weeks, it's just been really hard to read my word. Like, I feel like as I'm reading it, like my mind wanders and goes somewhere else and I'm not like retaining the information. Um when I say this, like obviously like I care because I'm still showing up to church and showing up to this and to serve and stuff, but like I I just feel bad because like I walk in and I'm like, I don't care to be here. I don't know if that makes sense or anything, but um, I just have like no motivation to really do anything. So when a couple of the girls like you and in our small group were saying, like, yeah, I I kind of feel like I'm going through a fun two, I was like, Oh, maybe there's like something in the air or something like that. We're literally all going through it. It's actually crazy at the same time. It was weird. I when um I think it was young adults a couple weeks ago when I found out because I came a little later and you had said like one of the leaders was praying over you guys and stuff like that, and I was like, Oh, okay, like it's not just me. No, it's all of us. Yeah, so I feel like since then, just um and then even being sick, I missed a couple days at work, and I was just like in my room, like just with my thoughts, and even like after work, like I just come straight home and rest, and I'm just like, it's just me and my thoughts, so it's just been really weird, and yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:12

Yeah, I agree on that.

SPEAKER_00 8:15

Um, for me, what makes me feel like I'm in a wilderness season. Ooh, guys, where do I start? Just kidding. Um no, I just feel like um normally I've never really struggled with my thoughts in general. Um, it's really just been like little things, guys. Like, I obviously don't have the motivation to really um be in my word either, but I still do it like every day, and you know, I will miss like a couple days or whatever, but not really. I try to really make it a point right now, especially when I don't want to, like to open my Bible, like no matter what. Um, whether it's just a little um verse that I read or you know, I try and go and spend my time at the coffee shop and and read my Bible and really force myself to focus on opening my Bible, but it's been really hard to just do it out of like oh my god, I love it. You know what I mean? And right now it's just been really hard for me. Um, I've been struggling a lot with like hearing the Lord, like what he wants me to do. I don't know if I he wants me to go up, down, left, right. Like, what like do you want me to do? It's been so hard. And if I'm being honest, I felt very um I've been feeling very frustrated, angry, um, and just very emotional and overlooked by the Lord, and so um I just feel like I'm I'm like alone. Obviously, I know that he's still there, he gives me those like once in a while like nudges of like okay, like I know this is the Lord, but I feel like right now the enemy is like taking advantage of where I'm at um to really like get to my mind because I get a lot of doubt, like my faith is just so like not as where I would like it to be, right? Um, and I feel like when I try to like really push and be like, you know, that's from the Lord, like instantly these little voices of like, is it the Lord though? Like, or is that really him? Like, you know what I mean? And it really like is kind of scary, but it doesn't really scare me, but like it just I don't know, it makes me in a funk, and and I hate it, I hate it so much. But I'm like, wow Lord, like what are you trying to teach me right now? Because it is so hard. Like, what am I doing wrong that's making me be in this little wilderness season? But like I really do feel like he's teaching me, and there's just been like a lot of um like just a couple leaders like at um church, like just telling me, kind of like pointing out like that they feel like that I'm I'm prophetic, which is like really, you know, and I'm like, okay, kind of is clicking as to why maybe like in a wilderness season right now of like um you know, obviously the enemy doesn't want that, and then on top of that, like um just when the Lord is trying to um level you up, I feel like, or like teach you or I don't know, place you where he wants you to be in this next season that's coming up, like he will prepare you in a wilderness season, I feel like maybe I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 11:34

So that yeah, so like our next question, what do you feel like the wilderness is teaching you right now?

SPEAKER_00 11:39

Oh yeah, yeah. So um for me, uh I'll just add on to that. Uh what it's teaching me um right now would definitely be like oh my gosh, like I'm like, guys, the law, like I think he's preparing me in so many different ways to grow. I think he's he's really teaching me to be honest with him, um, to not just like hide my feelings from him, because he obviously knows the feelings, but to really like say, like, if I'm happy with the Lord, obviously, like Lord, I'm so thankful for what you're you know, doing, but also if I'm frustrated with the Lord, like or angry, I'll be like, like I'm so angry right now. I don't understand. Like, why can't I hear you? Why can't I, you know, like why do I feel like this? Um, and I think he's just yeah, teaching me to be honest, preparing me in different ways, um, by like continuing to just remain faithful, you know, like um I felt something that he will like push you to your limits, like he will because he knows that you're capable of more, you know. And um, yeah, he's just been teaching me patience, oh my gosh, discipline, like discipline of like trying to stay in like the same routine, how to sewer my money, how to um, you know, just do things that are going to help prepare me and in, you know, um how to like read my word more, um, truly like try to break it down, like really try to slow down, like teach me how to slow down, um, not burn myself out. Um, that's why I've taken a step back from a lot of things, but yeah, just a lot of things that I think he is teaching me right now in this season, um, to be able that I'm gonna be able to use in um the future.

SPEAKER_01 13:32

So yeah, I would say discipline too. Um I feel like just learning that discipline is not based on a feeling, like feeling motivated to do something. It's like just do it regardless how you feel, which I didn't realize I was like kind of depending on, like depending on a feeling. Yeah. Um but also like comparing myself. Like even today, I'm pretty proud of myself today. I stopped myself from comparison, yeah. And I realized I was like, oh yeah, that doesn't really get you anywhere. It doesn't. So um and then also like same with you, like my finances and things like that. Like even today, like I heard I wanted to go because I didn't feel like cooking breakfast. I was gonna go get breakfast. But I was like, no, you really should just go and get what you need at the store, and then you go on a little drive, listen to music, and I'm I was like in the kitchen, and I was really glad I listened. And I was like, I'm so glad I didn't stop anywhere because I'm saving money, and I get to have this tomorrow because I got like you know, like a package of sausage and eggs and stuff like that. So that's good. Save money, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:43

Like trying how to like, yeah, trying to steward um my finances for sure. I think in this season, he's for sure trying to like teach me that. Cause I guys, I and you guys probably already know this before we've already talked about stuff like this, but like I am a spender, I love it. I love to spend money. My friend, my friend is like, oh my gosh, you you spend so much money like you have 10 kids, or you work so much like you you have 10 kids, and I'm like, I'm getting a new a second job, guys. So yeah, but I think like it's the Lord telling me, like, you know, save, learn how to steward your money, um, and just be better. It's not to it's not about like really just the money, but it's about like how I'm using it, how I'm spending it, right? Like how I'm what I'm using it for, like, do I really need unnecessary things? Like just kind of being more mindful on how to steward what I have.

SPEAKER_01 15:38

For yeah, for me, it's just I need to plan my meals better and like just take more of a deeper dive in meal prep, even though I have been making conscious decisions, like, well, if I'm gonna eat out, I can only go here because it's healthy, it's like we'll still you could be saving that money and just make it at home. So that's me. Yeah, so that's good. Um, what are some habits you feel the Lord is removing in this season? I will just say I look for comfort in social media. Oh, yeah. Once I scroll, I can I can scroll. And there is like a decompressing for like, and I'm not saying like 10-15 minutes or anything wrong with that, but especially like being sick and just resting so much, I'm like, why don't you just you know? But now it's like you could have been doing something like other than that, like watching a movie or listening to worship music or anything like that. I would I would not really pick up my word, I would listen, I would just listen to it on my phone. So like I could have been doing that, you know, so things like that. I could be praying and you know, going to that and not be on the phone so much. Not that like again, like five ten minutes is bad, but just like laying there and just getting lost is my thing.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

Yeah, yeah. So I would say that too. For me, I should really limit and just been avoiding it. I'm not gonna lie. My social media.

SPEAKER_01 17:10

I don't know why, because I'll get off and I'll do these fast and I go right back on and I'm I'm right back to yeah, you know, it's so easy for some people, but for me it's hard.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

Um for me, I would say like um, I would probably say like removing of like my um my yeah, like my spending habits, like my bad habits. Like that is, guys, I'm telling you, like I will swipe my card like I have all the money in the world, and I'm just like I need to really be careful with that, you know? Um, but just like and he's helping me just remove little like bad habits of like just certain things. Like, okay, one thing about me, guys, I love to bake and I love to like oh my gosh, guys, Jasmine is in her baking era and she's excelling, like with flying color.

SPEAKER_01 17:59

She brought me sorry, sorry, sorry, I have to interrupt because this is just iconic. She brought me jalapeno and cheese sourdough bread, delectable. She brought me a cinnamon roll, and then the other day when I was sick, she's like a little DoorDash. She like she brought me two bullios, and I hadn't seen her for a few days because I was sick, and we usually see each other basically every day, but because I was sick, I hadn't seen her, so I was just standing on my sidewalk with like a whole rubber pink. I had a white cheetah print robe on with pink. What would I have? Gingerbread pajamas on. I'm just eating the two pieces of bread. She went, what was it called? Bolio, and it was like 2 p.m. Neighbors are driving by, like, hey, I'm like, uh, we're just like giving life updates. I can barely talk because my voice. So funny. But no, yeah, she's in her very much, she's very much in her baking era and she's doing such a good job. Um just getting you a kitchen in myself. Future husband, if you're listening. Wait, I didn't laugh too much because I didn't get the card.

SPEAKER_00 19:13

Oh my god, that's crazy. No, where I was going with that. I'm so passionate about this because she's doing such a good job. I took a break this weekend, but I do want to make some bagels. I'm a sourdough mom. Um, I am a sourdough mom. It's a lot of girl of work. Yeah, it's a girl. Um, what's her name? Oh, Savannah.

SPEAKER_01 19:34

Baby Savannah.

SPEAKER_00 19:36

She's so cute. Um, so where was I going? Oh, I'm in my baking era, like she was saying, but I like tend to make such a mess. Like, and my goal has always been to like um clean up as I go. I don't know, I just feel like everybody, whoever does that, has their life together. And I never had my life together because I'll make like a whole disaster in the kitchen. So I think a bad habit is like just not being as messy in like the kitchen or like my room, like stuff like that, like putting things back instead of doing it when I get back home. You know what I mean? Because then that's how I make a mess. And that's just like a bad habit that I have. Like, if I'm like cooking, especially when I'm cooking, I don't clean as I go. So lately I have been cleaning as I go, which is like so much like better. So that's what I'm trying to do, and just trying to like do little little habits like that. Like, I don't know, there's just so many things that I feel like the Lord is working in me. Um, again, like removing just little small bad habits of my like I'm not perfect, you know. Um, I have my my days, but I'm still trying to wonder, like, okay, Lord, what are you trying to work on here?

SPEAKER_01 20:49

I saw this video of this girl, she keeps us she keeps like an extra bowl out, and that's like her trash can.

SPEAKER_00 20:55

Mmm. I don't know. I love to use like 20 different bowls.

SPEAKER_01 21:01

We're gonna use 21. Oh my god, that's so funny. That's good. I feel like pri like little little things, maybe.

SPEAKER_00 21:09

That matters.

SPEAKER_01 21:10

Hobbies to pick up.

SPEAKER_00 21:11

Oh yeah. I have like a million dollars.

SPEAKER_01 21:13

But Jasmine has like five.

SPEAKER_00 21:15

I I what do I have? Okay, tell them my little side class before we go on.

SPEAKER_01 21:20

I keep thinking of that Kim Kardashian sound with you. Like, I'm a mother, lost law student, millionaire, billionaire. You're really becoming like a little Rachel. Um so you bake. I've been loving it. What? I was gonna say you're a you're a detective. Oh you're a podcaster, you're a servant of God, you're a child of God. Yes! Um I feel like you dri you're the driver of this like dynamic. I do drive all the time.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

And oh, and I've de Pilates Oh yeah, she's a Pilates princess now. And the gym. And a gym rat. And what else? Trying to think. I feel like you're a therapist too. I do a lot and I love it. Yeah, she wants to do that. And then I still want to pick up just random things. I'm like, and I tell her, like, I'm literally gonna start a new job, guys. You're a runner. Oh, I started running, but then I got sick and then I soft.

SPEAKER_01 22:20

Um like, yeah, Pilates is more fun.

SPEAKER_00 22:24

But like, no, Pilates is fun. I die every time. But like, I have so many side quests, and then I tell her, like, I am literally going to get another job, and I don't know why in my head I still think like I have so much job. She's like, I can do it all. So people are literally telling me, like, how are you gonna do it? You are so busy all the time, and I really don't know. But I love it. She wears a lot of hats, guys. I just love it. I'm gonna, I can't wait to be in my next season of just like not having to do anything but be a child of God and a wife and a Pilates. Oh my gosh, that's so funny.

SPEAKER_02 23:08

Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 23:09

I know, you know, actually another thing. I always like tell like Tatiana, like, I always have like a new idea of something, and I always have to like tell her, like, oh, we should do this.

SPEAKER_01 23:20

Oh my gosh, no, guys, today, before we started filming, I don't know why. Okay, I was on TikTok and I was tell I was gonna tell her because I saw this this girl who she has like a matcha business and on like her truck, like this cart, and I was telling her because she has like a 30 pebbles matcha. And I was like, oh my gosh, Jasmine, she uses like cereal milk. That's like that sounds so good. And in the middle of me explaining, she goes, Should we do that? And I'm like, Well, one of those carts is like 5k for a small lunch, but we could do it. And then I was like, I mean, I don't know. And she's like, I mean, we're we could just get like table too.

SPEAKER_00 23:59

She was like a little wagon, like those like buildable, like, you know. I was like, if I had a husband, I'd totally make him build us a little wagon like cart thing, like a copy cart. Yeah, but I was like, you know, we should pick up the side quest one day.

SPEAKER_01 24:11

I was just telling her about some milk I wanted to try. Like, oh my god, I was like, my because I was craving matcha, and she just like right in the middle of my should we do that? That'd be kind of cool. Like, we could drop podcasting and just do that.

SPEAKER_00 24:23

I was like, I really don't know why. I just want to do everything. We're not gonna drop podcasting. And the other yesterday, actually. Sorry guys, we're gonna continue the podcast. We're just having a little yeah, we're just yesterday. I was talking to Riley and and Emma, and I was like, oh guys, I kind of want to be like a Pilates instructor one day. Like if I'm really like and then tell me why. I was like, should I? I think I'm gonna do it. It's gonna be like a little marriage, like the marriage officiate. What is it called? You can shake the port. You can take it out. It's not should I do it? You can go now. I'm thinking of doing that.

SPEAKER_01 25:00

I'm gonna give you a mic, the little headsets that they use, like the big one, you'd be like, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:05

So I was like, okay, I'm gonna be a Pilates instructor, slash. I think you have to get like a certification. Marriage, officiator, pro, and then a duela.

SPEAKER_01 25:14

And then she's like, I'm gonna get pregnant. Be like, oh, want me to do a doula? I'll give virtue kid right now.

SPEAKER_00 25:19

Like I see, watch, watch. I'm telling you, I love it all. Okay, and then I'm gonna start soccer next season.

SPEAKER_01 25:26

So yeah, she's gonna be a soccer. She's gonna be a soccer star.

SPEAKER_00 25:31

Oh my god, okay. Let's go ahead, dude.

SPEAKER_01 25:34

If we I swear, we we should just start every episode. Like, what's Jasmine's side quest of this week?

SPEAKER_00 25:39

I know, because I'm telling you guys, I always text her every day with new ideas. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 25:44

I have an idea. Oh my god. She's like, guess what?

SPEAKER_00 25:47

Like, well, I'm like, let's go here. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. No.

SPEAKER_01 25:51

No, I'm not friend.

SPEAKER_00 25:52

Oh my gosh. And she's a Disney adult. Yeah, it's not easy being Jasmine.

SPEAKER_01 25:58

It's so funny though. So entertaining. It's so entertaining. Okay. But we love the Lord above all things. Yes. Yes.

unknown 26:08

Why?

SPEAKER_01 26:10

You make me laugh. It's just you're so funny and cute. Okay. Okay, next question. Um, what's one of the biggest struggles that you've had this season? I feel like for me, it's just like it's I don't know what it is. It's just hanging on to the social media. I don't know. It was just I'm I'm just really passionate over here. She looks out the window. It's dark outside. What on the second floor? What is that? What's that? It's no, I'm jump hitting the I'm sorry guys. No, um, I feel like for me, yeah, it's just letting go of like little old habits, but I feel like if I don't let them go, they won't stay so little.

SPEAKER_00 26:53

Yeah, and it kinda really like, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:56

Like I think of I kind of think of Jesus when he was saying, like, beware of the little foxes. It's the little and when I'm like, oh, just five more minutes, just five more minutes. Five more minutes turned into two hours so fast. I'm being very honest right now. I'm so like, yeah, it's really bad, but I yeah, I'm gonna stop. My plan is this week that I'm gonna um if I wanna scroll, I have to get on the treadmill. That's good. Killing two birds of one stone. I hate that same thing. Yeah. Especially after being sick, I gotta build my stamina back up. So we're gonna go to the gym tomorrow. We're gonna go Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. One every day.

SPEAKER_00 27:33

Oh, oh, are you going with me at 4 30?

unknown 27:36

No.

SPEAKER_00 27:39

You made it sound like that.

SPEAKER_01 27:42

I'm going no. I'm gonna go during no, I'm gonna go during lunch.

SPEAKER_00 27:46

Tatiana will do a lot with me, just not that.

SPEAKER_01 27:49

I I'll maybe I'll work my way up to that, but like getting up at 4 a.m.

SPEAKER_00 27:54

I've got questions about it the other day.

SPEAKER_01 27:55

Today I was curious. Well, you know what? Because you're gonna you're gonna possibly flip burgers now. No, I'm just kidding. Or whatever job, you get I don't know, makeup coffee, whatever, whatever you end up getting or end up doing. But um, I gotta spend time with you, so I'm like, maybe I might have to start getting up until I can see you.

SPEAKER_00 28:16

Guys, I'm gonna like I'm literally like, I need to work, work, work, but this is just gonna be temporary, it's not gonna be too long. But um, yeah, for me, I think um one of my biggest struggles. What is it? The question one of the biggest struggles you have had in this season is just like my frustration and like my um like thinking about how guys like I've actually feel like I'm I'm feeling a little bit better and coming to like just where I'm like okay, acceptance, I guess. I don't know. Um yeah, yeah, because I was like really struggling. Like I couldn't even talk about like my wilderness season without crying. Like it was really hard these past like I think what it's been like two months for me. Um but I finally feel like okay, like I can talk about it a little bit more, um, and without like crying, but I would say like just feeling frustrated, like I would literally feel so sad. The spirit of like comparison was like so loud in my mind, yeah. And then on top of that, it's just like oh my gosh, I'm 28 years old, like Jasmine. What have you done in your life? And I know I've done a lot, guys, but like she's doing a lot right now, she's making sourdough after this. Just kidding, but um, I I've done a lot. I've you know, I'm I'm so thankful for what I have done and what the Lord has blessed me with. Um, like I graduated my BA's and my my bachelor's in health admin. I graduated from Cal Baptist University, like those are really good accomplishments for me. I feel like I'm I'm proud of what I've accomplished in my life. Um, but I look back and I'm like, well, Jasmine, like you are 28 years old, everybody your age is like buying a house, they're um, you know, like having kids, they're married, and there's so many engagements, and that spirit of comparison has just been so loud to me that I literally feel so overseen. I've been my biggest struggle is feeling very overseen by the Lord, overlooked. Um, like he is not like look obviously I know that you he is, but like that I just feel like it, you know, that I'm just alone, that like I've I've prayed to him, like Lord, I want to dream like with you. Like, can you talk to me in my dreams? Can you talk to me this way? And it's like just kind of like my frustration and anger just kind of like is like it gets overwhelming sometimes when I think about it too much, and like just talking with like certain people um and leaders and stuff, they're like, Well, maybe like you're asking the Lord to talk to you in a way that he, you know, and he's talking to you in a different way, you know? Or maybe he's waiting for you to say yes to a couple of different things before he does something, you know, and and it's changing changing my perspective on things on like how I'm viewing it and how I'm how um just to be thankful for what he is doing now, yeah, um, in my life, and thankful for the way that he's moved. Like, obviously, we know that God is faithful. I look back at my life and I'm like, wow, the things that you have done for me, Lord, right? And I'm just wanting the future and I'm wanting to control. It's like letting go of the controlling um part of like me where I'm like, ugh, like I don't need to control it. Like the Lord already has a pin, like I'm questioning everything that he's doing, like if he doesn't know what he's doing, you know what I mean? Yeah, and so my biggest struggle has just been that, that, and then um, yeah, just comparison, guys, and and just saying, like the best that I look back and I put myself down because I'm like, I feel like I have done nothing compared to other people. Um, the best thing that I have done in my whole life was give my life to Jesus, and I think like that's the only good thing that I like look at at and I'm like, wow, like I'm so happy that I've done that. But it's like sometimes we have these human desires of like, well, like I would love to buy a house, you know, would love to be independent or be married and have kids or buy a new car, like you know, just little wants, but like yeah, I just feel like not doing enough for in my life for the age that I have, you know.

SPEAKER_01 32:30

Yeah, I feel like a struggle for me is just being honest with God. I know we had an episode a few weeks ago about that, and it's just being in the wilderness is really hard. Um and then trying to be I don't know what it is, but being honest with God is hard too, because I just don't I know basically what you're saying, I know the Lord has done so much in my life, and I know I've overcome a lot, and I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I remember I think it was like a week ago. Um I was just sitting on the floor and I was just listening to worship music and I was like, just like just talk, like literally like a person, like trying to practice what I preached a couple weeks ago. And um, I literally just like how you said, and I was like, Lord, I feel like you have shown me all these things about a husband and a career and this stuff, and I want it, but it's not happening. And we're going on a couple years that you've been showing me these things. It's gonna happen when I'm like 40 or 50, like and I and I I was thinking of like it was kind of like word vomit. Yeah, it was just little by little just coming out, and then I finally just said, I feel so overlooked by you. Not like almost like a how dare you kind of thing. Like you're you're like, and I know and I know after like I said all that, I felt much better. Because I felt like there was room for the Lord to like minister to me and give me peace, and being reminded of his character by the Holy Spirit. I know the Lord would never dangle something in front of me, like I know you want this, but here that's like what that is. A loving father would never do that, and I know that these things that I desire, excuse me, guys, um, he desires for me too, and it's gonna glorify him. And things like that, just like how you're saying, like with kids in a house and looking back, it's like, what have I accomplished? But I have accomplished a lot, like go giving my life to Jesus has been my hands down biggest accomplishment, and always will be above marriage and all that stuff, but um it's really hard. So trying to be more honest with God and not trying to do too much, like look for the simplicity of it. Um getting because I've been taking NyQuil at night, so getting up has been difficult. So um I felt like my time in the Word has been neglected. But I remember I was looking through my closet, I was looking for my um Jesus' calling devotional.

SPEAKER_00 35:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:03

And I'm like, just read this at least, like, don't you know, like get something in you. And I love the way it's written because it's written in um like he's talking to you and things like that. So that's been really encouraging, and um, even like the verses that it has at the bottom that point to the theme of that the devotional for that day. Um, I'll look up at night and even praying before bed, I'm like just lay in bed and just pray until you fall asleep, like intentionally pray before you fall asleep, um and just being more intentional, but it's creating that new routine and finding that peace in him and depending on him not social media or things like that. Because this I've I have not gotten sick like this in a really long time. So being like a doer or handling things even at work has been really difficult because I'm not used to being like physically weak like this to where I miss work or something like that, you know? So it's been teaching me like to really, really depend on God. You know, now that you say that, like um like even Friday. Oh, go ahead. Oh no, go ahead. I was just gonna say, even Friday, like my coworker, um, she was also sick, she was gone Thursday and Friday. So I was like, oh my gosh, there's all this work and I'm by myself. So it was I was listening to worship music for most of the day. I was not you know, so but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:27

Yeah. Um, though you were saying that like it's been teaching you to rely on God. Um, like that has been so hard, guys. It's hard. Like putting your whole trust and like everything in like the Lord, like, but you know, it's just like little things that that happen sometimes that it's like okay, like you're here, like you're listening, like you are, you know, because the other day it was like um I just started applying for second jobs, guys. And this was like um, I just started applying like four days ago, and um I I remember getting ready for like a run that I was gonna go on on Friday, I think it was, and then I was like, Lord, like if you want me, like if you do not want me to like get this second job and you want me to like focus on like serving at church or like doing something that's in regards to like just being more um like in my faith, like at church or serving or you know, being more involved in youth or um CB kids, like you let me um let me let me know, like give me a sign like that you want don't want me to, you know. But if you do want me to get the second job and you want me to work and like learn how to store my money and be more disciplined when it comes to my money, like if this is something that you're wanting to teach me, like please, like give me an interview, because I had already been declined for like two jobs. And um, and then I get a text from like a job that's like, hey like Jasmine, like can you answer some additional questions, answer the questions, and then like literally a few minutes after I prayed that. So I'm like, wait, you know, and then they let me schedule my my um my interview. So I just thought that was like, wow, like that was for me, like I feel like confirmation from the Lord, like learn how to steward your money, learn how to, you know, do this, sacrifice a little bit. Because for me, guys, I love my life, I love like a slow life. Yeah, I do not like to be in a hurry because I feel like when I was younger, I was just always on the go.

SPEAKER_01 38:37

You're in your soft girl, yes.

SPEAKER_00 38:39

Right now, I'm like, oh, like I love to have slow nights, slow mornings, like I love it. Yeah, and so it's been really, really hard for me to come to the fact, like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna work another job. But like, I really do feel like this is what the Lord is telling me to like teach me a little bit more discipline and to be a little bit more responsible. Although money isn't everything in life, it's teaching me discipline and how to steward what I have. Um, so when I don't work the second job, I know how to steward my actual money, you know? Yeah, um, and when I'm a stay-at-home mom, you know. Yeah, so yeah, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:16

Um, what's the next question? Do we have a next question? That's the last question. Um, are there any emotions or feelings that keep coming up in this season?

SPEAKER_00 39:24

Oh yeah. For me, I would just say, like I like I was mentioning, my um anger and my frustration was coming up in this season a lot until recently just kind of calmed down. Um, but like my anger, my emotion, my frustration, my um just sadness, like the feeling of being lonely, even though I have an amazing community, I have an amazing God, you know. Um but sometimes us as humans, like we just can't help feeling these deep feelings inside that we're like like we have all of these people, but I feel so sad and I feel so lonely, you know? Yeah and then like right now, like we're all going through it. So it's just been like hard to have an amazing community that will still be so encouraging, but it's like obviously like if they're having like if Tatiana's having a hard time, it's a little bit harder for her to come and fill my cup when like you know what I mean. Her can't cup is like running on NT2, so it's just like a little bit harder. Um, but yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:24

I feel like for me it's um discouragement and then just like being disappointed. Um I I don't like I don't know how to explain it, but I have been trying to pray more for my husband because I've been seeing that a lot. Um and I've always known to do that, but now I just want to be more intentional about it. Yeah, and that has been stirring that desire more to be married, and then I would just feel discouraged because I got invited to three weddings this year, yeah, in a span of like three weeks, yeah, almost a month. So it was there was a lot of confusion of like because you want something, and then it's obviously I'm happy for these girls, but it's also like when it's right in front of you, and it's hard, like that fine line of like I know the Lord's not doing this in front of me, but like come on, you know? Yeah, so um, just like really focusing on the Lord and his character.

SPEAKER_00 41:22

That's good, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:23

So then the comparison, especially comparison too, because that's just yeah, it's doesn't get you anywhere, but you need to bake your cake, girl. Oh, I'm telling you guys, Jasmine bakes cakes for real and prophetically.

SPEAKER_00 41:36

I saw this video on TikTok, guys, and it was this girl that she was like, um, here, like you guys need to bake a cake. It's a man of God cake, and I was like, wait, look, he's fire. So um, she was basically like saying, Yeah, so I here I am. I drew my cake, I drew the batter, and those were gonna be my non-negotiables. Like, I'm not gonna like that is a deal breaker if you have one of these, or if you don't have one of these, sorry. Um, and I'm dang, I was like, man, mine is full. Um, but that batter is a foundation, and then it goes up to the frosting, and then the frosting is like um, I think they're like little, like little, like I think there are things that you will negotiate, like you're you'll be like, okay, like if you don't have one of these, like I'm gonna say it's fine, you know? I can work with that. And um, then you put little sprinkles, and the sprinkler sprinkles are like um are um the like picky things that you want. Like, I want him to have a nice style and to be tall, like you know, like those are things that you're just being picky with, and then like the candles are like basically things that you don't want in a man that will burn your whole cake.

SPEAKER_02 42:50

Oh you will write like I didn't know what the candles were.

SPEAKER_00 42:53

Yeah, for me, I was like controlling, like jealous, like those things will like burn the whole thing. So I think that's so cool. You guys need to make bake your cake. Um, and I think that's really cool. Just is like while you're waiting in your waiting season, it's like kind of reminds you like when you do start dating, you're like, oh wait, like let me look at my cake. Let me see what kind of flavor he is. Um, just as crazy. And so like you can look back and be like, oh, like these are what I put for my husband, you know. And I have a journal, journal. So like lately I've been like writing just all my feelings in there, like how I've been feeling about Lord. Like, they're literally like some of them are letters to the Lord, like saying, like, I feel so overlooked, I feel overseen, I feel um like you're nowhere here near be near me. Like that's how I feel. And like um I've like been writing those letters and I just I love it because I've been so like keeping up. I've been keeping up with my journal twenty twenty five or twenty twenty. six so I can look back and really see how the Lord has worked in my life throughout the year.

SPEAKER_01 44:05

I love that.

SPEAKER_00 44:07

Alright, what so what are you you said your emotions, right? Yeah, right. The discouragement.

SPEAKER_01 44:13

Yeah, just like the discouragement, but um should we read Psalm or not Psalm, I'm sorry, Deuteronomy? Yeah. 8, 2, 3, 3, do you want me to read it? Okay. Um remember how the Lord your God led you through the wilderness for these 40 years. Humbling you and testing you to prove your character and to find out whether or not you would obey his commands. Yes. He humbled you by letting you go hungry and then feeding you with banana a food previously unknown to you and your ancestors. He did it to teach you that people do not live by bread alone. Rather we live by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. I love that. That's so crazy. That was what did you put did you do that intentionally? What? This is what Jesus said to the enemy and what we read earlier.

SPEAKER_00 45:04

Yeah um I don't even think I did it intentionally. Oh that's so weird I was like literally said that yeah I was like I'm looking like we just read this that's so crazy. Because that was um we were like okay like what would be a good like encouragement you know what I mean? Yeah uh wilderness verse and so that is crazy actually that it was not even done intentionally it was done intentionally by the Lord you're not confused Ron you nailed it just kidding I guys one thing about me and Jasmine's friendship if you like sat in the car with us like a little fly on the on our car window we use so many TikTok sound references for a situation that we're in like I like was it today or yesterday we were like I don't like you have a cupcake oh yeah that was today that was today that was today today but it's like she'll be telling me something so serious and I'll be like and I'll say like you're not confused around you nailed it like it's I yeah we're literally um I'm so relieved that you understand it every time too yeah and I was like telling her in the coffee shop like I'm so weird I'm weird like I'm a little crazy I don't know what I would do if you were normal yeah I feel like I'm weird too but we want to end with just encouragement guys encouraging you guys um if you guys are going through the same season and need prayer there's a link in our bio on our Instagram please put it in there yes and you're not alone we're going through the same thing it's not weird honestly I will say earlier I said something about being convicted I actually as I was talking I started to feel relieved because I was like wow you can still you're still close to the Lord like he's not too far because you still feel conviction yes you're not like I was actually well I'm thinking about that but anyways but um um I want to read the last two verses yeah um so Isaiah 4319 these are just like a little bit of an encouragement if you guys are in the same season as we are right now or you think that you're in the same season as we are right now um these are just like little encouraging um verses yeah so 4319 this one is see I am doing a new thing now it springs up do you not perceive it I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland um and I absolutely love this verse because to be honest like he's saying like see I am doing a new thing like now it springs up do you not perceive it I am making a way like he is making a way in the wilderness when you feel like he is not there when I feel like he is not there he is going before us making a way to um to like where we're supposed to be guys like I know it might feel like we're alone but it's like he's ahead of us he's before us he's around us he lays his hand on us to bless us like he is continuously there um and I think this verse just kind of reminds me of that like he will be how it says like I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland so yeah as you're talking as you're talking like a word like he's coming up is just like it's perspective I feel and I'm not saying like you know wilder a wilderness season is hard like that that's just the bottom line but yeah I think perspective it can really help you and that verse actually is that's what's coming to mind. Like helping me perspective yeah and like that's that's really good. Um the next one that I just wanted to end with guys is gonna be um Joshua 19 you want to read it yes this is my life verse guys when she said it this morning I was like oh my god yes and I just read it on Friday too.

SPEAKER_01 48:55

I love this verse. So this is my command be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

SPEAKER_00 49:03

So just like Jasmine said even in a desert wilderness whatever you want to call it in your dry season he is with you wherever you go don't be afraid don't be courageous or don't be courageous don't be afraid that's the encouragement guys don't be courageous don't be afraid be courageous and yeah it's a good reminder like he's telling you like he's saying like do not be afraid you be courageous and it's just like a a good comforting verse that he's saying like be bold um so that is good and that is oh we want to encourage you guys like if you guys are going through the same season um it was like a little bit harder for us to do like an encouraging um season so we wanted to talk to you guys about what we're going through right now um because it's real and and it's hard um nobody's walk is perfect and you know um we can just so there's some days where we just like Lord just help me like help me you know get motivation light the fire under me right now you know when I pray I'm like especially when I'm going through like seasons like this I'm like Lord I hope my husband's doing better than I am because I'm struggling out here and he's gotta lead us I hope he's doing better like literally that's just my authentic like God I really hope he's doing it better than me because it's so hard and then it cuts to your husband wonder what he's not doing and he's catch a breath on the floor like but no I am encouraged that um you're going through the same thing I'm done I am encouraged that you're going through the same thing like we were like what in the beginning but no like at Target when we were like walking around and we're just like talking I'm like I'm not crazy I'm not crazy oh my gosh guys I crash out like crazy with Tatiana and it like literally makes me like just I feel so bad.

SPEAKER_01 51:01

Don't feel bad and I don't remember life without you before like because I just you're such like a blessing to me.

SPEAKER_00 51:10

But I stress her out like I'm just like always having a meltdown and I'm like texting her midday midday like then at the end of the day I have something to catch up on like it's you know it's like oh man this day it's eventful you know I'm over here like 10 messages like oh my god and then a random thought and then a random side quest and then like my Jululu crash and it's just like and then she's like so I was talking to dad this is what I think I saw in prayer.

SPEAKER_01 51:38

Tell me if this makes sense I'm like oh let's go with it yeah um no I love it and then even the other day at young adults when you know you guys came back and you're praying and I was I could feel it because they had us hold hands and I just started crying saying thank you God for my friends like th because I don't know how people do this without community.

SPEAKER_00 51:59

Yeah really we need community I feel like we're job right now like we're our job job job I in my head I I um saw the word job like J O B. Yeah but I'm like that does not sound right so Joe. So um she's like I feel like we're like Joe right now because like we're just him and his friends and I'm like yeah it's it's rough out here so I'm so glad that you know we have the community and the leaders that we have and the Lord has placed them there um because that really helped and it helps encourage us but yeah I mean um community has always just been a blessing and that's just from the Lord and I'm so thankful. But yes I'm also encouraged that you know you are also going where like me and Tatiana are the same exact season right now. And the Lord knew what he was doing. He's like this is gonna be fun let me cook. Yeah yeah because I'm gonna cook with you still so yeah but we really are thankful for you guys to um who still listen to us because we have not really posted clips or anything like that. Like I'm I said we're we're literally so blessed that we're still doing this like we love to do it. But we just have not had really time to like post about it and like little clips and stuff just because life has been hectic but we're praying that once we get right back on the track um everything's gonna go back to normal but yeah we appreciate you guys just listening to us ramble and laugh. Yeah with us yeah they're like uh these girls are questionable just kidding all right guys I'm just gonna end in prayer yeah all right heavenly father thank you so much just for this conversation Lord I know we're just your silly little daughters that you love so much and we love you so much she says thank you for this day for this time um just for everything that you you've done in our lives Lord and the way that you've shown your faithfulness in different ways um to us Lord and and given us that hope and just been here with us through it all Lord I just want to lift up um everybody on the other end um listening Lord if they're going through any wilderness season may you just continue to lift them up and may they just feel your presence um where it's like undeniable like that they know that it is you and that you are working and that they just feel warmth of of um just I don't know warmness like overcome Lord and know that it is you um a a sense of peace your calmness all over them Lord may they just know Lord that is you and you are working you are with me may you just continue to lift them up and bless them and walk on this narrow path with them Lord and with us am I with us on this narrow path um Lord because you are the way and that you are the truth you are the light Lord and I just pray that you continue to just show show us show us um your your your faithfulness your love Lord which you will always do I know you will Lord um and that you will not leave us that you're not gonna ever leave us that you're gonna continue to give us the strength and you're gonna give us the boldness and you're going to give us the courage to move on and to go on until you um transition us into a next season Lord because you are a good God and you are a close God and you are not distant um we just rebuke all of those spirits of like comparison of anything bringing us down that is not you Lord because you won't do that you are a loving father um and we just lay it all at your feet Lord because we trust you and we trust that you have a good good plans for us Lord um in Jesus' name amen Jesus I believe Jesus I believe you are the son of God and that you came down to die for my sins um and that you were the spotless perfect sacrifice for me God um I I believe you're the son of God I want you to be Lord of my life come into my heart and fill me with your Holy Spirit in Jesus' name amen all right guys thank you guys for chatting with us we love you